The Good, the Bad, and the Gorgeous--more firearms of the "Old West" in Second Life

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Yes, I know I tend to write frequently about recreated historical firearms in Second Life. Hey, I like guns, they've been a part of my life since I was in my teens. Growing up on a small farm, firearms were a form of useful tool that you had to understand and respect, just like an axe or a saw, or any other technology we employed. But then my relationship with firearms evolved beyond that, into an appreciation of the gunmaker's art, and a love for the sheer beauty of what skilled machinists produced in the last century and a half--so I got into collecting, and recreational shooting, and ultimately working with firearms as an aspect of my professional life.

So you just have to indulge me when I wax poetic over of the work of certain SL weapon-makers.

As the title of this piece says, there is the good: in fact, there is a great deal of good work done in-world by content makers who produce very nice, functional period firearms that are quite respectably authentic. And sometimes what they make is really good.

Below is my Sergeant OHanlon alt with model 1873 Single Action Army Colt revolver that was made by Deadwood sim co-owner Caed Aldwych (Perceval Dryke).


It's proportioned properly, it has the right shape and appearance for a model '73 SAA, and by golly, it's not all tarted up with stupid movie-land crap like angels or crosses on the grips, or engravings of "hello kitty" on the cylinder, or any other Stoopid Shit. It looks like a frakkin' army-issue Colt revolver, it comes with some decent poses and anims, it shoots pretty well, and it functions like 6-shot single action is supposed to.

Does it have exquisite detail? No, it doesn't. Does it come with all kinds of extra optional animations and poses? No. But for crying it out loud, it's a freebie--it comes as a part of the complimentary "cavalry soldier" package that you can pick up at the Ft. Laramie entrance area to the Deadwood 1876 sim.

I shall repeat that: IT'S A FRAKKIN' FREEBIE. IT COMES WITH AN AUTHENTIC 1870's-STYLE CAVALRY HOLSTER AND BELT RIG. I have a couple of alts that use this gun and rig, because it looks good and does the job and was a cost-effective option.

You can spend a whole lot more of your hard-earned linden dollars on stuff that's not nearly as good. In fact, there are so-called "authentic" firearms for sale in-world that will cost you a shitload of money, but that are utter weaselcrap. I'm not going to name any names, but that's the bottom line: there are supposedly "historic" guns out there that certainly qualify as the "bad".

So, you might ask, what really bothers me with certain SL "historic" guns?

Well it's not just the ones that they are sloppily made, pig-butt ugly, and look very little like the actual historical guns they are supposed to represent. What really kills me are the ones that function in wildly implausible ways: ridiculously high rates of fire; bizarre reloading operations; and inauthentic magazine capacity. Holy Moses in his bathrobe, how hard is to look up a weapon on wikipedia and see how many rounds the fucker actually held?

OK here's the new rule: dumb-ass first person shooter games like "Gun" are not legitimate sources of accurate information about historical firearms. You need to actually understand something about what the guns looked like and how they operated before you can make an "authentic" or "realistic" recreation of an historic weapon. You can only use certain weapons in certain ways in particular time periods. Let me give you some practical examples of what it means to follow this rule. For example:

* You do not get to bring weapons into an 1860s or 1870s sim when those weapons--such as lever action and pump action shotguns--were not invented until the 1880s. Nor do you get to make shit up--like adding a lever action to a single shot muzzle loader.

* You cannot "dual wield" (fight with one in each hand) certain types of pistols in ANY fuckin' time period. Like Volcanics. They were LEVER ACTION pistols. That means they took two hands to operate, numbnuts. Not only were they crappy pistols that quickly become obsolete, but there is NO WAY IN ANY FUCKING UNIVERSE THAT YOU COULD USE TWO OF THE GODDAMN THINGS SIMULTANEOUSLY UNLESS YOU'RE A FUCKING OCTOPUS!

* Likewise, skip these foolish cut-down Winchesters you see here and there. That is an imaginary weapon created for 1950's and 60's TV shows and movies. I have yet to see any historical examples or evidence that anyone in the late 19th century actually fucked up a perfectly good rifle in this manner. It is NOT a useful weapon in this buggered-up form. In part this is because the Winny has a tubular magazine under the barrel--so when you cut down the length of the barrel, you also have to shorten the magazine and reduce its capacity. In effect, Mr. SL gunmaker, you can't make a cut-down Winchester and still script it with a 12 round magazine, and then call it "authentic" or "realistic." It would hold maybe five or six rounds after you chopped it. And don't tell me that it gives you more hitting power with a rifle round, because the earlier Winchesters used the same ammo as the Colt pistol. So all you did was make a clunky hand gun that takes two hands to operate.

And yes, I know that weapons like that are perfectly suitable for most "fantasy" old west sims where you also might have vampires and lycans running around, stripper poles in the saloon, and Northwest coast totem poles amidst the Plains Indian tipis. That's cool, if that's what floats your boat. Or if you're in a sim like old Sigil was--openly and unashamedly based on the genre of the spaghetti western--well, yeah, then you could argue that having a Hollywood reloader (ie, you never run out of bullets) is actually appropriate.

Ultimately, of course, anyone can make anything thing they jolly well want in SL--it's one of the joys of the platform. But if you are going to call what you make "realistic" or "authentic" then I think you ought to put in some effort and research time in order to actually warrant using those terms.

I am not embarrassed to say that yes, I am an authenticity snob when it comes to my old west technology.

If you too care about the quality and authenticity of the weapons you're using, why spend a lot of money on dross and sludge when you get something as gorgeous as this (the rifle, not the nudie picture):


That's the Kiergarten Armoury Sharps rifle for hunting and target shooting, which we have discussed in an earlier piece. It actually looks like an 1874 Sharps, and it functions like one as well, requiring you to reload in between each shot. Yeah, it's not too handy in a wild-eyed, grief-fueled shoot-em-up, but by damn, that's how a single-shot rifle actually worked.

And it's only $400 lindens.

Let me say that again: it's only $400 lindens.

And Jasper Kiergarten keeps making cool, gorgeous stuff like this. He just sent me an example of a Sharps model 1869 military carbine. This was a Civil War issue weapon that was converted at government arsenals after the war to fire the new .50/70 cartridge--a great many of these were used by the U.S. cavalry until the 1873 Springfield "trapdoor" was put in service. Look at the image below--you will note that not only are the parts of the action textured to look like case-hardened steel, but there is actually a goddamn saddle ring on the left-hand side of the stock.


Now that might not seem important to most of you, but let me ask you this: how do you think troopers hung on to their carbines when they weren't using them? Velcro?

They had a carbine sling that hooked to the ring, so that they could carry the carbine hanging by their side (conveniently at hand--not slung on their back). Now all we need is for someone to make a jacket layer version of the carbine sling, and we're all set.

Anyhow, that's why I like Jasper's work. It looks really damned good, it works like it's supposed to, and it reflects his understanding of how the guns were actually carried and operated. It's all in the details, like that dang saddle ring. After all, how many other weapons have you seen in-world that should have a saddle ring on them, and actually do?

So if you can get something that good looking and detailed for a few hundred lindens, what can you find if you're ready to invest some serious money?

Holy dog crap on white toast, I am so glad you asked me that question. I've already told you about wonderful--but pricey--weapons like Ernst Osterham's boxlock double-barreled shotgun. But here's something in the same class that you haven't seen yet:


This is a SAA Colt cavalry model with the 7.5 inch barrel made by Lockmort Mortlock. My crappy screen shots don't do justice to this gem of a recreated historical firearm.

It's not just that the proportions and the shape and design that are spot on--it's the freakin' detail. The screws in the frame are there. And they are different sizes like the actual thing. You can see the spring in the extractor rod housing. You look on the top of the barrel, and you know what you see?



That's right, the markings telling you who made this and where.

So is this cheap? No of course not. Lock currently has the civilian version of the SAA for sale (4 inch barrel), and it runs around $1,500 lindens.

BUT in addition to the gun, you get a great belt and holster with options for how many rounds you want in the bullet loops; you get options on different finishes; you get different firing poses including single-handed standing, double-handed standing, and double-handed kneeling; AND you get accessories like an ammo box that you can click on and reload the weapon.


Frankly I can't wait to see what he's going to make next. Lock is a true artist, as well as a sincere and enthusiastic firearm historian. Lockmort Mortlock's products are available in the vendor area of Ft. Laramie in the Deadwood 1876 sim.

Come on, do I really have to generate the slurl for you? Show some ambition and initiative.

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A Deadwood story: a scar to be proud of

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This is a story that comes out of an impromptu RP situation that happened in the sim's early days. I told the tale on the fly at the founder's day storytelling session at Miss Addison's boarding house this last Saturday night, and got a kick out of telling it, so I thought I would polish it up a bit as a first-person story and tell it here. Once I committed it to text, I suddenly realized that combined with the previous story, it might give you the impression that I was responsible for accidentally shooting many of my friends and acquaintances. While that is not entirely untrue, I would like to point out that none of them ever died from it.


I jus wanted to tell y'all a story from when I reckon most o’ ye warn't here yet...somethin’ what would kinda give ye an ideer o’ what town used to be like back in the early days.

Now mind ye...one o’ the things what set Deadwood apart from other towns was how when somethin happened, it warn't just up to lawmen to take care care of it

Well, fer that matter, we din't have too many lawmen around back in those days...some times none at all.

But even so they was this one gang leader...a feller who terrorized other towns somethin' turrible...but he said one time he hated tryin to raid in Deadwood, cuz he said "when ye raid some other place, the folks stay inside peeking out their curtains waitin’ fer the lawmen to fix things. But in Deadwood, when ye make trouble, every man, woman, chile, dog an’ cat with a gun comes running tryin to kill ye."

Anyhow this is a story o’ that kind o thing, which made us sorta famous:

One day -- I’m thinkin’ twas in early November o’ 76 -- I’m on the street a’ talkin with m’ friend Lockmort...big bear of a man, ye know, an’ usually a peaceable feller. But as we was talkin’ we heard this commotion: "Some rascal is tryin’ to rob the bank!" somebody shouted.

"An’ they has taken a hostage!" someone else yelled.

"Who's the hostage?" says Lock.

An’ the feller who was tellin us this says, “Tis lil’ Geoff the orphan boy...an the feller has dragged him up to the second floor of the store next to the Red Bird, sayin’ he's gonna kill the boy if'n we don't give him the money out of the bank!!"

Now Lil’ Geoff was a young’un, mebbe 7 or 8 year old, whose Ma had abandoned him in town an' went off. Funny, good natured lil’ feller, he was. Matter o’ fact, Me an' Sepp done took him in later on, though we ne’er officially sought to adopt him as he had great confidence his Ma would be back fer him someday, an’..well...we jus’ couldn’t see fit to disabuse him of his faith in the woman what had brought him into this sorry, sad world.”

Well...anyhow, when we hear this about him bein’ the hostage, oh, you shoulda seen the look what come over Lock! His face went from its normal sunny an’ cheerful affect to looking like a sky with a thunderstorm a’coming! An’ he growled like a bear, an’ then roared, "I don't take kindly to no one harmin’ no young'uns!!!"

He right up and tears off like a mad bull buffalo, across the street to that store. Well, the bankrobber feller had locked the door, but o’ course that didn't stop Lock. Hell, it barely slowed him down. He threw hisself at the door like a big hairy cannonball an' smashed right thru it! He barreled towards the stairs in back and was startin’ up, when the robber popped around to the landing...then some shots rung out an’ Lock grunted an’ fell back clutchin’ at his leg! Now I had been not far behind Lock, plus there was this other feller who had gone into store right with us. This other gent went next, leapin’ o’er Lock’s sizable frame, an’ as he was rushin’ up the stairs then HE got shot an’ tumbled back...

Well, now I was mad. Not jus’ cuz o' this peckerhead holdin’ a lil’ orphan boy hostage an' settin’ to kill him, but cuz he shot Lock, who I really goddam liked. Real good gunsmith too. Cain’t tell ye how many enjoyable hours I have passed in the company o’ that gentleman talkin’ about firearms an’ studyin’ his various projects. So ye should understand I was sorta seein' red

I proceeded to jump o'er Lock an’ the other feller who’d been shot, an’ I started goin’ up them stairs m’self, firin’ as fast as I could. Now ye see, I had this Spencer carbine, which I had got from...um..lessee, man number six: the miner, ye might recall. An’ with a Spencer, ye kin chamber an’ fire a round in mebbe 3 seconds...an’ ye got seven shots. So I commenced by lettin' off a couple o’ rounds as I was goin up towards the first landing, just to make him stay back. An’ when I got the landin’ an' could aim up at him, I used another four rounds as fast as I could lever ’em into the chamber an’ fire.

I shouted fer Geoff to get down, an' hoped he could do so. But I had no idea if he heard, cuz there was smoke an’ splinters an’ muzzle flash goin’...hell of a noisy mess.

Then with the one last round in the gun, I charged the rest o’ the way up the stairs...

...an found I din't need it.

A couple o’ the shots I had fired in goin' up the stairs had found their mark, an’ the robber feller was a lyin’ dead as a goddam doornail...which made him...um...man number 9.

Anyhow, there I was, jus’ all pleased with m'self, an’ I looked aroun’ fer Geoff, an’ there the boy was looking like a cat what ate the canary, a big ol’ grin on his face, all happy like...

...but a’holdin’ his leg...

...an' he says with great enthusiasm, "Oh Miz Dio! You saved my life!!!”

...then adds somewhat plaintive-like, "but how come you shot me doin’ it?"

"Oh hell," says I, "let me look..."

Well, the boy had been hit fairly bad by a ricochet, so I bound it up an’ got him to Doc Alcott as quick as I could. As I was carryin' him o'er to the Doc's I tol' him he waa gonna have a dandy scar on his leg...

"REALLY?!!" he says, all excited like.

"Yep," says I. "Yer a gonna have a good story an' a scar to go with it, t' share with yer gran'kids."

Oh, and Lock an’ the other feller who got shot tryin' to help, we patched up as well, an’ they made it, I’m sure you will be pleased to know...

...but from that time on, lil’ Geoff loved to tell the story about "when Miz Dio saved my life an’ shot me all in the same day!!"

An' I have every confidence that some day, many years from now, he's gonna be settin' with a passle o' grandchillun' an' shall be happily showin 'em that scar an' tellin' the tale o' how I give it to him.

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